In a recent coaching session, my coach asked me: how do you feel about creativity?

I laughed, but maybe not for the reason you’d expect.  

For me, creativity equals shame.  I’m a Trapped Achiever, Emotional Feeler, and  Wholeness Seeker who really really doesn’t like to do anything “wrong”. (Psst – find out what your Healing Identity is here.) 

Art or literally anything creative is meant for personal interpretation. How do you perfectly complete a task when there’s no set goalpost? 

Since that session, I’ve pondered all the ways I hide my creativity and don’t allow myself to fully express what I feel: 

• I didn’t tell people I love choreographing dance until I stopped dancing
• I write these blogs only when I’m completely alone
• I don’t hang up artwork I’ve made or made (literally I haven’t picked up a pottery piece I made in December) 
• My first tattoo was place somewhere others wouldn’t guess 
• My nails got less fun and more solid colored 

I noticed a pattern: these are all ways I would’ve expressed creativity within my body, and I historically take my shame out on my body. I make it smaller, hide under loose clothing, not share it. 

Full truth, part of my own healing is writing this post. If you asked me if I healed my perfectionism I would say yes for the most part (you’re reading this on the Internet, aren’t you?). But I’m here healing again. From a new vantage point. 

Being creative means letting go, finding fun, feeling in flow — being free.

And I still hold myself back. 

If you relate, and crave reconnecting to creativity, here’s some reflection questions: 

1. When was the last time I enjoyed building something?
2. When was the last time cultivating something was fun?
3. How do I define creativity for myself?
4. How do I express creativity with others vs when I’m alone? 
5. What am I most afraid will happen if I make space to be creative?

If you want to dive deeper with a mental health professional to guide you, click here to book a discovery call for After-Therapy®.

— Becca, MSW, LCSW, Founder of Forward Healing Co.